We're TEXAS, and we love the PAC 10

Next year when we roll to our national title game, we would not mind seeing CAL! HOOK 'EM HORNS cause we own CALI

Off to the 'club!

We wish you a Merry Christmas!

but let us not jump the gun too early on that Happy New Year thing!

Normal peeps might be ashamed v122007

But we are so happy at the Cali J's actions tonight we cannot stop smiling at each other...

How is cali J shocked at a spears pregnancy?

Come on that family breeds like a bunch of rabbits. The only shocking things are that she knows who the father is (or so she claims - we recommend he gets a dna test) and that this did not happen sooner.

That mom should have been checked to see if she smoke and drank during pregnancy and if while pregnant she had a sky diving mishap where the only thing to cushion her fall was her belly!

We do applaud the Cali J's teaching of ghettonomics if there is one good thing we can say about the Cali J is HE IS SMART! He probably cannot get a girl pregnant, but he is smart!

Cali J's parents

Are just happy we are alive!

Cali J needs to learn how to use a spoon

So now he is talking about eating Milo out of the middle of his hand. Sometimes we are embarrassed to admit we even know him. We love the taste of Milo, in fact we love eating dry Milo too, but, we also know that spoons have been invented and they actually work, so we use them!

Mild props to the Cali-J for losing some weight; fat ass! Now let us get down to it, so what if you have lost 4 pounds in the last week? You need to lose 20 more so get back to us when you have lost those 20 so we can tell you how much more to lose after that.

We know fat is a state of mind and your state is Plump!

Cali J is talking about Beauty Pageants?

Man he is getting old. We appreciate that the Cali J has added some pictures to the post though. But man he is getting old, Barbara Walters, beauty pageants, what is next the Larry King show?

Now if we could just stop sneezing damn it!
Man our beard is looking sweet!

Cot damn we are hot v.1

Seriously we are. If you cannot love this pix then something is wrong with you!
We were playing around and blog surfing and found this. We will not link to other blogs, Cali J will do that, but we appreciate others working for us and giving us great links

Create Fake Magazine Covers with your own picture at MagMyPic.com


Oh yeah, if you do start creating fake mag pics (which of course we clearly did not do) we want our blog to be linked and send us the pics

Cali J is paranoid?

We think that we might have finally gotten to the Cali J. We notice that he has posted that old school 'Flagpole Sitta' song from Harvey Danger.

He thinks everybody is coming to get him...do you think he means us?

GYM AGAIN!

That bastard Cali J took us to the gym again. We thought he said today was an off day? But nope that crazy bastard took us to the gym and made us do 500 reps on the jump rope and swim laps! He is trying to kill us, we are convinced of it. After all the best part of us is our love handles, and clearly he wants those gone.

Blah, blah, fitness is important, blah blah we will feel better if we are fit, blah blah we will live longer. What is life without a little bad food and laziness? Is this not why we came to America?

Everything aches!

And we mean everything. If that bastard Cali J tries to take us to the gym again today we are going to have to charge him with assault.

What is he thinking? Friday, prime cougar hunting night for us he took us to the gym for 2 hours in the evening, then later in the night instead of going on a hunt for the straggling cougars he went to the gym AGAIN!

Then tonight, this has to be the last straw, first he takes us out to a bar where we have to hob nob with peeps from Ohio State then, he drinks mainly water and diet coke while his friends are chugging beer. Then to make it worse he drags us to the gym AFTER the bar! What is wrong with him.

Now we are so sore we cannot even bend our legs yet they hurt to stretch. Our back is so sore we are afraid that if we suddenly have to pull our pants up in a fire we will have to go out pantless...that is if we could even muster up enough energy to make it out the door.

We hope he realized that when it took us 15 minutes to walk the 1.15 miles home that we were too sore to move quickly despite the fact that we were in 50degree weather wearing just a t-shirt and shorts.

Look Cali J, we know you have slacked off in the working-out department, and we know you have previously taken pretend working out (when you go and work out but do everything at a level or pace that is guaranteed to not break a sweat) to new levels but must you make up for it all in one weekend?

At some point we want to be able to not be so sore that we have to wear our shoe laces untied.

Aw damn that is harsh

So we were doing what we sometimes do when insomnia has laid her cold clammy hands upon our necks and starts squeezing; we went trolling around myspace pages. Ok to be honest we are too lazy to truly troll, we just check the peeps that have posted updates or are in our top friends' list.

A friend of ours (read ex) recently gave us significant grief because she had recently been re-assigned her spot in our top friends since we have taken it upon ourselves to rotate our top friends (we are hot stuff - much better and more popular than Cali-J so being in our top friends is an HONOR) so that the plebeian masses will not come to us with their supplications requiring us to grant an ear to their "please place us in your top X and please make us first or 6th or whatever your majestic graciousness decides that we deserve." So we have just picked a system of "every few weeks SHUFFLE."

BUT, regardless of the system that we have chosen, it appears to be a not too subtle dig to be told one week that someone is insulted by their place in our top friends and shortly thereafter to be moved by a significant number of places.

Hahah curse myspace for giving peeps a new way to rank social order!

We just want to SLAM...thanks Onyx

So earlier tonight we had a phone talk with one of the Cali-J's exes. Normally this ex is ez to talk to, but tonight she threw some statitude our way. Problem is, we were completely blindsided by the statitude since we had tried to arrange something in an attempt to make life easier to all of us.

"B-b-bu-bu-but wait it gets worse!" The statitude included the words "You need to check with me before you do these things" Ladies, guys hate hearing those words especially if we were trying to do something good.

So of course this led us to want to "Just SLAM."

But not like that kat from 'Real world' the female namesake (FN) and us were talking tonight and we all agreed that there is a guy on the Real World that we would not be shocked if he hit a chick. In fact we do not have to say his name here (mainly cuz we cannot remember it) but if you watch the show you will know who we are talking about.

Well in honor of the whoreriffic actions we saw on the Real World tonight and the mood Cali-J's ex put us in, We present one of the songs that when we were younger always made us feel better.

Preggers?

Come on it cannot be true that Britney Spears is pregnant again can it? We think that has to be impossible. After all we have not found her attractive for at least 2 years, so how can she be pregnant?

We agree Cali-J, Christina Aguilera is practically a moron!

We give the marriage 5 years max!

We will be waiting for you Xtina!

Bearded

We are done shaving for a bit. Screw the whole putting a razor to our face crap, we are going straight Grizzly Adams up in this piece. The Cali-j is always trying to look so damn presentable. Well, we were looking at old pics of us and we miss the beard. We understand that this might mean a decline in the amount of young tail we can achieve but it will definitely aid with hunting the cougars. Anyone who has ever studied the animals knows that cougars like to crawl through the brush to stalk their prey .

The bar scene is like the Serengeti (we know Cougars do not live in the Serengeti - some wise ass is always trying to correct us...just work with the story), sometimes you see your prey and you have to be quick, cunning and adapted to their lifestyle. We have chosen to go with the big game hunter look - no more shaving (at least on the face_

The Cali-J is posting about pies

We know he is the domesticated one in our relationship but come on Cali-J admit it; you hate peeling apples, you would rather slice your fingers than take a knife to an apple and manually turn it around. So break down and get us the damn apple peeler/corer/slicer. Ladies love pies and the faster we can make them the faster we can get to the ladies.

We have made a decision, get the P/C/S and we will agree to make more pies. Your love life is important to us, in fact your love life is pretty much the only thing important to us. Speaking of pies: How could you make 2 pies and give them away and not make one for us? Selfish bastard!

We crave meat cali-j

Get on that! We are thinking a nice juicy 3/4lb burger cooked about medium rare. Add some chives, grilled onions and some mayo/spicy brown mustard/ketchup and topped with sesame seed buns!

But no fries you fat ass!
And ez on the ice-cream, we are trying to ride a bicycle not flatten its tires.

What we are listening to while we create

While we are setting the blog up we decided to share some music we are listening to. These beats help to get a party started. We have found that women like to rock to these beats...if you do not find yourself moving to these beats; maybe you are dead below the waist? Or you just hate dancing!

Who we are!

If you are reading this you are probably a reader of the sublime blog calijamaican.blogspot.com, a great read EVERYDAY! The problem is the regular Cali-J blog is dominated by the super-ego and it has too high a sense of morality. The id and ego prefer to cut loose, to enjoy life and to say what they feel like saying. No one brings a party like the id, and ego works security. If you have ever read the Cali-j, you will know that he has always had a problem keeping his ego in check, now we get to reign supreme and wreck shop like we were always supposed to.

We hope you will enjoy reading this blog and if you do not...we do not care. Do not be jealous because we are awesome, and do not worry, we can take your hate, because it only makes us stronger and reveals you to be nothing but a person filled with stattitude (stupid-attitude: do not worry you will get to know the word.) We are tired, enough introductions, we will blog when we feel like!